Memoirs of Grief
4/24/24 10 Months without You
As I heard through a haze of bewilderment and confusion,
"I'm so sorry, Damon didn't make it."
Time. Stood. Still. 10 months without you
Time. Like many of you, I used to view time in the past, present and future. Regrets on choices I had made, what I had to do for the day to get to the next one, dreaming of everything I'd eventually "get to" in the years ahead. In an instant, without me anticipating such a reality could exist, time systematically stopped.
I can still picture myself floating over the scene, as if this was someone else's life I was witnessing in a movie. In the months ahead, the hands of time eeked by slowly, painstakingly I felt EVERY second of his absence piercing what was left of my soul. Today marks 10 months his sweet being left this earth, to me it feels like lifetimes. In moments of extreme pain or trauma, you are forced to be present, acutely aware of your emotions. Life forces your being to recognize that you are ALIVE.
Many days and many nights, I prayed to the universe to not be alive, the pain was all encompassing. Incomprehensible. Eventually, I allowed the memories to measure my life, his life....our life together. Time meant the most to me while laughing. Time meant the most to me when I was with him. Time meant the most to me while loving others and allowing myself to be loved.
Milestones of dates will continue, I can allow myself some grace to think of "what could have been" when I look at the calendar on his birthday, when his friends get married, holidays.... I'm also learning that time is not just days or years, it is valuing the time we have in the blip of the universe we share with ourselves and others. I am no longer the teacher, now his student, his departure has gifted me the lesson of living for today. I would like to think he would want it to be a good one 💫
Forever Damon's Mom 🪽🩵🪽
The Weight of Loss
While the world continues around me, I feel an unmistakable stillness, as if a part of me has been forever anchored to that moment of loss.
One More Ride
Memories, spun together by the threads of youth, friendship, and the open road. The thrill of riding, the sense of liberation that comes with being young, and the camaraderie shared with your best friends.
My Best Friend
In the warmth of every memory, Damon's laughter still dances through the veins of my heart. His life was a melody, composed of shared steaks savored under open skies and the crunch of leaves beneath our hiking boots.
The Moments We’ll Never Have
The weight of Damon's absence encompasses not only the moments we shared, but also the ones we will never have.
Garden of Grief
In the quiet moments of my patio, where once I found peace, I now stand with a heavy heart, watching the delicate blooms emerge from the earth's awakening.
A Profound Void
In the depths of my soul, a profound void remains. My heart aches with an unbearable weight, for he was not only my son but also my dearest friend. Together, we navigated life's highs and lows, growing side by side, raising each other.
Until We Meet Again
I used to think that loving someone was understanding them. You've taught me different. Your methods and movements through the universe are unconventional and so intrinsically different than mine, my heart grasps what the mind can't . I have learned that loving someone is simply seeing them.
The Question, “How are you?”
People ask me every day how I am, out of genuine concern. I didn't know what to say, writing has always been my muse and form of communication. For those close to me, I've tried to sum it up the best way I can. Hopefully this helps my people understand what I can't verbally say. I can't answer anymore. This is it.
The Reservoir
He loved cars and he loved nature. Every night he would check the time so he could go to the reservoir to watch the sunset.